Goodnight, Travel Well
by Dissertation Procrastinator
Summary: A one chapter GSR story inspired by the Killers song Goodnight, Travel Well. Someone has passed away, and Grissom is attending their wake/funeral saying his last goodbye. Cannot say more without giving too much away, but if you know why the Killers wrote the song than you would know the plot.


**A/N: A one-shot that came to actually before the other story I posted. The gong is titled Goodnight, Travel Well and is by the Killers.**

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**Goodnight, Travel Well**

Standing over the casket made the reality set in. The days before numbness was what took over. The numbness had been Gil's friend, setting in the minute he got the phone call telling him she was gone. It had been difficult to find a flight back to Vegas. Vegas the place he had swore never to return to, the place that only held a painful past.

Arriving in Vegas, he had went through the necessary motions. She would want to be buried next to her family. That meant having the body moved back to California. Had she been happy in Vegas? She had only come to that city because of him. Maybe she had found happiness before she died. At least that is what he kept telling himself so he would not feel guilty for leaving her to die alone.

**The unknown distance to the great beyond  
****Stares back at my grieving frame  
****To cast my shadow by the holy sun  
****My spirit moans with a sacred pain  
****And it's quiet now  
****The universe is standing still**

All of the arrangements had been made. There were the painful phone calls telling those who may not know that she had passed. All was possible because he just did not allow himself to think about it. If he did not think about it, let the numbness take over, than all would be fine for now. For now was good enough, later, sometime later he could fall apart. For now he had to be ok, he had to go through the motions. She was now an it, the body before him was a shell. It looked nothing like the woman he loved. No matter how hard they tried, it almost look like a wax figure of her.

She had died alone, he assumed because he was not there. There was no one there to hold her hand and tell her everything would be ok, that she would be ok. He had to stop that train of thought, the tears threatened to wash over him, as they had many of times that week. Tears would get him nowhere, they never had before. Feeling gets you nowhere, it makes you vulnerable. He could not be vulnerable now. He had to hold them in until he was alone, than he could truly grieve, or maybe he could hold it in forever, never to be vulnerable again.

Closing his eyes, he took a few deep breaths, pushing everything out of his mind. Gil fought for the numbness to wash over him again, he needed to be strong for just a bit longer. Soon her friends would show up, she had no other family. He would have to be strong for her friends, and not simply because he did not want to feel because feelings were signs of weakness of vulnerability.

**There's nothing I can say  
****There's nothing we can do now  
****There's nothing I can say  
****There's nothing we can do now**

Saying his private goodbye would wait until after the wake. The numbness was back thanks to him allowing his brain to wonder to the ridiculousness of a wake. They placed the dead loved one in their casket, opened it, and people would walk by it. They would say their goodbye to the shell. Than someone would give the eulogy, Gil once again would give another eulogy for someone he loved, and than they would carry the casket out to the hearse that would take her to her final resting place. All of it seemed too much. The person was gone, they would not know who was there, what was said.

She had once told him that the wake was not for the dead, it was for the living. It was a chance for people who loved the departed to get together and remember that person. It was better to mourn in groups, not alone. Well he preferred to mourn alone. It was not in his nature to fall apart in public. That was to be done alone, behind a locked door, where no one could see or hear. Where he would be safe. Sighing he walked away from the casket, from the shell inside it.

When he had told her that he preferred to mourn alone, she had told him that it was also a chance for the person or people who were mourning to realize they were not alone. He was alone now. Honestly, he might have been alone most of his adult life. There was that one light that had shined through, that one other person who made him feel alive, not alone, but she was gone now. So he was alone, and having a group of people crying mourning the loss of a friend would not make him feel any less alone.

The words to the popular 90's song came into his head. The words had stuck with him through the years because when he heard them they had caught his attention. _I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else, when I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same. But somewhere in here between these city walls of dying dreams, I think her death it must be killing me._ It felt as if the singer had been talking of him, and now it felt even more so.

Would she have liked the outfit he choose for her? Would she like the flowers he had bought? Did it really matter now?

**All that stands between the souls release  
****This temporary flesh and bone  
****We know that it's over now  
****I feel my faded mind begin to roam**

It was show time people were showing up to the church coming in and sitting quietly in the pews. He moved away from his post in front of the casket, not sure what to do now. Should he greet them? Or could he go hide somewhere? Hiding sounded like a good option. He remembered hiding in the basement of the church at his fathers funeral. It was not until the service started that his mom had come to find him and make him join.

He choose to sit, quietly, in the front pew. Maybe everyone would leave him alone until he had to give the eulogy. Nope, here was the first person coming to talk to him. Time to go through the motions, why did people say sorry for your loss. What was the point behind those words? He had said them many of years during his career as a CSI, and it always felt so shallow. They were words and they meant very little to the person hearing them, he could attest to that.

People left him alone again for awhile, and he got to quietly sit in his pew alone. The others filed in behind him. The sound of kids running around and playing filled the room. It was clear the woman in the casket meant a lot to a lot of people, that had not been surprising. S he had spent most of her life connecting with others, doing her best to help other people. She was gone forever. Her warm smile never to be seen again. She would never get to help another person. Gone forever.

Alone in his thoughts again, he was safe, nothing could touch him here or so he had thought. He almost lost control when Brass, Nick, and even Catherine walked into the church. They made their way through the crowd to him.

"Move over." Catherine said pushing Grissom so she could sit next to him. Sitting down she wrapped her arms around him.

"You should not have driven all this way." He said to her, returning the hug.

"We didn't. I got us a jet to fly us here. You should not go through this alone." She answered.

Brass and Nick took seats on the other side of Grissom. Brass patted his friend on the shoulder not sure what else to say.

Grissom was touched by his former colleagues showing up to support him. "You really should not have."

"This is what family is for." Catherine said, "To support each other, even if one of them decides to runaway from the family and not return calls." Probably not the place to get the dig in, but she could not help herself.

**Up above the world so high  
****Everything you loved  
****And every time you try  
****Everybody's watching  
****Everybody cry  
****Stay, don't leave me  
****The stars can wait for your sign  
****Don't signal now**

They sat together quietly for a bit longer, the service would start soon. Catherine kept a hold of Grissom's hand saying nothing while they all just sat in the pew quietly. Nick had been the first to spot them, and he said nothing to anyone. He got Brass's attention and pointed to the two who entered the church. Brass smiled, he knew she would change her mind and come. That was part of the reason Greg had stayed behind to make sure someone would get her to the church on time.

Sara was holding back tears. The death had hurt her more than she had expected. She had been there, the hospital had called her when they could not get into contact with Grissom. It was so unexpected. Sara had just had lunch with Betty the day before and everything had been fine. Betty had been happy to see her daughter in law, she had told Sara after Sara had returned without Grissom to Vegas, that Sara would always be her daughter, no matter what happened between Gilbert and Sara. It had touched Sara, and Betty made sure to keep the promise.

It had been easier to see Grissom's mom after she moved to Vegas to take a place at the school for the deaf. It had occurred when Grissom had spent a short month in Vegas. Betty said she took the job to keep her occupied, but Sara knew she wanted to be near her son. However, the plan did not work out well because Grissom, it had seemed purposely spent as much time away from Vegas as he could.

It was Betty who had talked with Sara when Grissom called and said he wanted a separation, that the papers were on their way. That the relationship was over, and Sara should move on. Betty had been so mad at her son, enough that she had tried to Skype him multiple times and even sent a few emails that Grissom barely responded to.

"Hey." Sara said reaching the pew standing next to Catherine.

Grissom looked up to his wife, technically still his wife, and saw the tears in her beautiful brown eyes.

"Let me move so you can have your spot." Catherine said getting up and moving next to Brass.

Sara sat down next to Grissom. She was not sure what to do, but she could not help but hug him. It would not seem to anyone who had not known Grissom as well as Sara had come to know him, but she could see he was a lost little boy. She cried on his shoulder, feeling him stiffen as she pulled him into a hug, and eventually he relaxed some in her arms.

"She didn't die alone." Sara said softly into his ear.

"What?" He asked struggling to hold in his own tears as he now had his arms around Sara feeling the pain that washed through her.

"The hospital called me when they could not contact you. I sat with her all night." Sara said, "She never regained consciousness."

"Thank you." Grissom said his voice strained.

Sara could feel a tear hit her shoulder, Grissom was crying. "She meant a lot to me too you know. I had just had lunch with her the day before, she was fine. Healthy as a horse she told me."

"These things happen sometimes, unexpectedly." Grissom said trying to regain control of his emotions. Now was not the time, but Sara's arrival and her telling him she had been there for his mom was overwhelming.

Aneurysms were the silent killers, ticking time bombs waiting to go off. Betty's had been in the temporal lobe of her brain, and it had finally gone off. While the woman who Betty had been with noticed the signs with the severe headache Betty complained of being enough warning. They got her to the hospital, and the surgery to stop the bleed had been successful, but there was too much damage. Betty had less than a 3% chance to survive through the night. Betty held out longer than anyone expected, but in the end she had died with Sara holding onto her hand.

It was time for the service to start. The priest had done most of the work when it required anything religious to occur, reading from the scripture, the psalm, another reading from the scripture, a gospel, a brief homily, and than Grissom's turn to give the eulogy.

**There's nothing I can say  
****There's nothing I can do now  
****There's nothing I can say  
****There's nothing we can do now**

He had managed to give the eulogy that left everyone in the room in tears. It had not been his goal, he simply had put into words what his mother had meant to him and so many other people. The fact he had only cracked twice during the eulogy was more thanks to Sara than his own inner strength. Sara kept eye contact with him, providing him the strength he needed to get through the speech.

The group of friends that had showed up to support him rode over with him to the graveyard where Betty would be laid to rest. There were more prayers. Grissom could not really tell you what was said or done, he had completely checked out seeing his mom casket sitting over the hole in the ground where eventually she would become food for the worms.

Sara kept her arm around him, occasional wiping tears away from her own eyes. She snuck a few glances at Grissom and saw that her husband was silently crying. He was unlikely even aware of the tears running down his face, and it broke Sara's heart to see him struggle to keep himself together.

When it was all over everyone left the grave, leaving Grissom and Sara sitting. Catherine and the others went and stood next to the car that would take them back to the church to get the rental cars and Grissom's car.

"Thank you for coming and for being there for her." Grissom said wiping tears from his eyes, "She really loved you a lot."

Sara smiled, "I loved her too. She was a great woman."

"She has never cussed at me until the day I finally answered the Skype call after I asked for the separation. When I heard her cuss at me, she rarely talked, usually she just signed. But she had cussed at me. I had been shocked. I knew then that she truly did love you like a daughter and it had not just been words. She really let into me."

He was quiet for a few seconds before he spoke again, "It took her telling me what a fool I was to realize how stupid I had been. By then the damage had been done."

That part had surprised Sara. Grissom had second guessed his decision for the separation?

"I just wanted to let you have a life. I had tried to explain to her that I was holding you back. She had a lot to say on that topic. It was tense between us because of my decision. We spoke so rarely after that conversation. She called me a coward, my own mother had called me a coward."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. She never said anything about it." Sara said feeling bad because her relationship with Betty had been strong up to the very end. They meant often for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or just a day to hang out shopping or walking in the park. Sara had enjoyed the older woman's company, never having really had a mother in her life, it had been nice to see what it was like.

"She was right. I am a coward." Grissom stated, "I've wanted to come home for so long. To apologize, to fix things, between us, between her and I, but I choose to keep running further away because it was easier."

Sara wiped back tears again, he had wanted to come back to her, was she dreaming. Sara grabbed his face and turned it so he was looking at her, "Betty knew you loved her, and she had forgiven you for whatever you said or did. She loved you, you were her beautiful boy. We talked about you a lot. S he loved to brag about you to people. Even after you two fought, she would brag to people her son was off in Colombia, or wherever you had been that month working on a book, doing research, getting a cover story on butterflies in the National Geographic. She had the cover framed, one at her house and another in her office at the school."

Grissom began to cry openly, he kept saying into Sara's neck who now held him tightly, "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." He kept saying it over and over to her, he truly was sorry for everything.

Sara held Grissom while he cried by his mothers grave. The lost little boy finally had won over the harden older man. She held him and rocked him gently letting him grieve. She cried with him. Betty was in heaven looking down on them now, Sara was sure of that. The woman would be smiling. Her son and the woman she had called her daughter were together, grieving her, sharing their pain to lighten their own loads. With those thoughts, Sara grabbed Grissom's face one more time, all of the pain he may have caused was forgiven, and told him, "Let's go home."

**Goodnight, travel well  
****Goodnight, travel well**

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**A/N: Thanks for reading and for any reviews. **


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